gloomy forecast

I don't know what it was about tonight. Something somber in smoking a cigar while overlooking the twinkling lights of the Portland-metro area. I guess in some sense I was caught up in my own thoughts after seeing "V for Vendetta", it may have been slightly corny with some slick special effects, but it did remind me that the world we live in is changing forever. I know, I know, Daniel the world is always changing-adapting-evolving, but what I'm seeing doesn't reassure me. I suppose I should take a lesson from the band on my Camacho Corojo Figurado. I spend the better part of fifteen minutes trying to get that damn thing off (me of course with virtually no fingernails). Eventually I left it and just relaxed and smoked the cigar anyway. I spent alot of time thinking while I was outside though, about a few things. It was very stream of conscience, drifting from one thought to another, with no real sense of destination. My priorities in life loomed up several times in that brief period of eternity. Immediate priorites being of course work, money, time, and the trip Rachel and I are taking to Ireland. When I got to the subject of Ireland though I stopped myself and started thinking longterm for a few moments. Overall I must say the U.S. is an immensly diverse and intresting country but to be honest I find the whole place very...temporary. I don't like the way things are being run by the folks in charge for one. And whenever I stop to consider the political issues facing this nation I cringe at the majority of the populations outlook on things. Taxes, lawsuits, deficits, terror, war, prejudice, debt, economy, jobs, the whole place seems so chaotic, so unstructured, as if it were a house of cards (pardon the saying). I find that to maintain any sense of balance you have to play the willing ignorant. It's hard to find footing in the fast moving stream. I'm unbelievably thankful to have an amazing woman as my "rock" because sometimes I feel like I'm about to be pulled off my feet by all the things going on around me. It really is true that behind every great man (or person for that matter) is a strong woman (partner, w/e). And while I haven't acheived greatness by any strech of the imagination I feel as though if I want to I can, without worrying about losing my footing. Over the last few months I've found myself in a place I could have scarce imagined this time last year, but I'm very glad I am here. I think that our trip to Ireland, while being an overall great experiance for both myself and especially for Rachel, will be just what I need to resolidify my foundation. And allow me to expand myself into bigger things. Sometimes it can be overwhelming when I think of all that lies ahead, all the things I want to accomplish, but harkening back to my cigar I just need to forget what isn't important, relax and enjoy the trip.

p.s. Rachel you are incredible, and I love you
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo